


guardian angeal.

by beemblebummed



Series: i'm still here - the story of Cloud Strife [4]
Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, FF7, FFVII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gay Angeal, Genderqueer Character, Trans Character, Trans Cloud, Trans Genesis, Trans Male Character, Trans Sephiroth, i am literal shit at tags i hope this is fine, trans!Cloud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:58:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemblebummed/pseuds/beemblebummed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LISTEN FATHER FIGURE ANGEAL FOR EVERYONE IS THE BEST OK. cloud tries to write home to his mama and tell her the truth, and angeal talks to him about some stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	guardian angeal.

**Author's Note:**

> no triggers or squicks that i can think of!

“Cloud, may I speak to you for a moment?”

 

I jump into awareness, my mind having been heavily occupied on the letter I’ve been trying (and failing) to write to my mother, to finally come out to her, and to tell her the truth about how I feel about what her reaction may be. I instinctively smack a hand down over said letter, tensing when I see Angeal’s eyebrows raise, glancing at my hidden writing.

 

“I’m not looking, soldier,” he says, nodding indicatively. “Fold it up for now, I need to have an important conversation with you.”

 

When he sees that I respond to such words by getting even more panicked, Angeal offers me a reassuring pat to my shoulder. “You’re not in trouble. Follow me.”

 

I quickly do as I’m told, folding up and stuffing in my pocket the piece of paper which is only marked with the words, “dear mother,” in small, neat writing. I hurry to fall in step beside the first class, walking with my shoulders up and my back straight, only looking ahead until spoken to. I don’t know quite what to expect, but my mind wanders briefly to the last couple of days in which I’ve honestly been excelling as far as missions go. I met a new friend in the SOLDIER branch and I’ve been seeing Zack, and though we may revert to being simply friends, we’re on good ground. I honestly couldn’t be happier here, and I can’t think of why Angeal would want to speak to me.

 

“Tell me, Strife,” the man finally speaks, leading us into the all but empty mess hall, “what are your thoughts on the L-G-B-T-plus community?”

 

As we step towards the far end of the hall, I try to gather an answer in my mind, try to seem like an outsider, and maybe even a non-supporter, in a mass panic that comes instinctively thanks to my mother. We sit across from each other and I finally stutter out a reply once I see he’s still waiting— even if he is doing so patiently.

 

“Th-they, um… as a group, deserve more rights and respect, I think,” I say slowly. “I… know a few people in that community, so I know what they go through, an-and it’s unfair. I hope they get more tolerance and respect in the near future.”

 

Angeal masks a smile and just nods at me. “Strife… would it bother you for me to call you Cloud?”

 

“N-not at all, sir,” I reply, nodding several times.

 

“I’ll call you Cloud, and you’ll call me Angeal— but, Cloud, I need to tell you something,” he continues, folding his hands almost in a prayer-position on the table before him. “Don’t take this the wrong way. Zack has been speaking to me. He’s been asking for advice on some things— and he told me he has a friend who needs support, and the same advice. I had made assumptions before, but I wanted to ask and get your answer by your own free will, as Zack has said nothing about who it is.”

 

I brace myself for the coming question, holding my breath during the brief silence after Angeal hushes.

 

“Cloud, are you transgender?”

 

There it is. I can’t lie— I don’t want to, but it’s also painfully obvious when I am lying. So I nod, silent and waiting now for him to react to the answer I give him. I wait for only a moment before he gives me another smile, gentle, knowing— the kind my mother used to give me when I tried to convince her to let me keep the sick cat I had found outside the Shinra manor.

 

“Something Zack had said stuck out to me,” the man says. “He told me this friend— you— felt alone in the world before you told him. Do you still feel alone?”

 

I hesitate due to that question. Do I still feel alone? Kind of, yeah. I still feel stuck, I still panic when I think someone perceives me as a woman, I still worry about making sure my body maintains the image of an average boy, I still feel… lost.

 

“Um… yeah,” I mumble, slowly looking down. “I… I know Zack is there for me, and I have my friend from home, but it’s just— it feels like one day, they’ll be gone, or they won’t love me for who I am anymore, an-and…”

 

Angeal just nods. “It’s a hard thing to go through, Cloud. But I can promise you this, with utmost truth: it doesn’t stay that way. Not forever. You meet people, people who become friends, friends who become _family_ , and you don’t feel scared with them. You don’t feel lost in their embrace; it all becomes clear and safe, like nothing had ever been out of place at all. I asked their permission before I came to you, so I have to okay to let you know this: Sephiroth and Genesis have walked through your shoes.”

 

I gasp and look up, staring at him, jaw dropping. “They… they have?”

 

Angeal nods. “Genesis was… _born_ a girl, so to speak. But he’s always been a man. Sephiroth isn’t quite on the gender spectrum— he identifies as nonbinary, and his pronouns fluctuate quite often, actually.  Some days, he finds himself more feminine, and some days it’s more masculine, and some days, it’s neither.”

 

Honestly, all of this completely astounds me, and I almost can’t say anything. “They… they’re…. they’re like me….”

 

The man smiles again. “Mm-hm. They’re some of the most powerful SOLDIERs to live, some of the most powerful people to live, and they’re just like you. Cloud….”

 

I slowly reach my hand up to my mouth, covering it.

 

“… you are never as alone as you feel,” Angeal tells me. “It’s scary. I would know. But you are _never_ , not ever, alone in what you’re going through. People care, people love you, and it’ll all be okay. I never thought I would have come to terms with who I am— I’ve never had feelings for a woman in my life. I didn’t know that loving men was okay until I met my first boyfriend, and now look at me. I’m proud of who I am, as I should be.”

 

“Angeal… thank you so much,” I say into my hand, my voice shaking. “I… I never would have thought…”

 

He watches me for a moment, that look still on his face, and I could swear that he still had something he wants to say, or something he wants to do— but he just inclines his head. With a quiet, “You can talk to me if you ever need me, Cloud,” he stands and departs. While I’m seated at this table, I decide that now, with this confidence boost given, I can finish my letter to Mama.

 

As I carefully pull the letter back out, Angeal’s voice calls back across the mess hall. I look up, blinking, ready to listen to anything else he has to say.

 

Again, there’s that pause, but I wait patiently for him to get past it, and he does.

 

“That letter you’re writing— good luck.”

 

I process those words and then smile. “Th-thank you, Angeal!”


End file.
